Blue Steel

So I was meeting Malin Akerman for lunch. She had picked this fancy place in the Malibu area so I had to like take the car hours earlier to get there in time. When I arrive Malin has still not showed up so I tell the restaurant staff that I have a reservation for a table so the girl I'm talking to asks for my name.
Skarsgard, I tell her.
She browses through the reservations and tells me I'm not on the list. So I go, ok, check for Akerman instead and she's like, yes, we have a Malin Akerman here but you're obviously not her.
But I'm supposed to meet her here, alright?
And she's like, we get lots of people coming here claiming they know famous people just to get in.
Ok, but I am kind of famous myself, you might have seen me on HBO lately?
The girl doesn't even look at me.
I sigh.
Alright, so is it ok if I wait here?
Suite yourself.
So I sit there for maybe 40 minutes when finally Malin arrives.
Alex, darling, I am sooo sorry for keeping you waiting. The traffic is horrible here. Why are you sitting out here, I thought that maybe you had ordered something already?
Well, yeah, there was a slight misunderstanding.
We get our table. I look at the menu and I can't find any tofu anywhere. I order a low carb veggie burger instead. Malin starts chatting about her Italian husband, about his music and so on. I want to know how she got the part in Watchmen. Suddenly I spot Ben Stiller at the entrance. So I wave at him and he comes over to our table. But when I get up to offer him a handshake he walks passed me.
Malin!, he goes, you look great as always. They hug each other.
I was at this party last week and spoke to Steven Spielberg about you, he said he wanted you as the female lead in his next feature. I decide to interrupt, Ben, how you been? Loved you in that Tropic Thunder movie! He turns over and looks at me for the first time.
I don't believe we have met, he says.
There's a moment of silence.
Come, on it's me Alex. We played in Zoolander together.
We did?
Yeah, I played one of those models that got torched in the car in the beginning, remember?
No... uh.. But I remember the Asian dude. He was hilarious.
Uhm, maybe you remember my dad. Skarsgard?
Oooooh, oh right, you're Skarsgards kid. That's right, now I remember. Hey, next time you see him, say hallo to your brother for me. Heard his filming in Europe?
Sure, I'll...
Ben just cuts me off and starts talking to Malin instead; So I hope there will be some boob shots in Watchmen? Right? Anyways, nice to see you again Malin. And you too, Alfred. Got to run. See you.
Malin seems thrilled after the quick meeting; he's so nice isn't he, she says. I have suddenly lost my appetite. I don't know, how old is he anyway, I ask, has to be at least 45?
Later that night I sit down with my stand up routine at home. Maybe comedy is worth a try after all. It obviously worked for Malin and Ben Stiller. How hard can it be?